Dealing With Our Perspective On Mental Illness

‘Only in darkness can you see the stars’ – Martin Luther King Jr. 

Mental illness cannot be seen. 

It’s up to us to alter our perspective on mental illness, depression or any other diagnosis for that matter. Removing judgement, acknowledging appropriate care and support and caring for ourselves and others mentally as much as we are often concerned to physically.

You can’t see mental pain and emotional pain, unless it manifests itself physically. But often as humans what we struggle with internally, we mask externally. If someone has their leg in a cast or they have scars, it is proof of their pain. That they are or once struggled with turmoil. But when it comes to mental struggle, we feel we have no proof or way of articulating what’s going on. We may question whether others will believe us if we speak up, or they don’t believe us when we do. The effects may be evident but what’s really going on inside is only in the individual battling it. It’s become a taboo or has stigma attached because of that. When it’s not visible we have to voice it to share it, and that can be daunting. Rather than reach out, you feel alone and that no one could possibly understand so withdraw, fearful of appearing ‘mental’ or ‘crazy’ you let everything internalise. You’re labelled and stamped with a diagnosis and suddenly you can only see through the eyes of that title. Boxed in rather than set free. But talking about how you feel is a way of freeing and letting go. It doesn’t have to have such stigma attached if we don’t let it.

Being given a diagnosis can help you understand yourself and to help others have some understanding. It may feel restricting, but it doesn’t have to be a box, a stamp on your forehead or a pair of glasses that shifts the reasoning, understanding and concept of everything that you do. It can be a light of clarity in the chaos of your mind when there is none. Mental health is a lot more complicated than just a diagnosis. Underneath those labels, how and what we experience can differ individually. The box that you may be placed in is made from cardboard or rubber, not steel or concrete. It can be broken down and shifted, you are able to step right out, even if that’s with external support. It doesn’t define you. 

Sometimes you can step out of the box but you have to carry it. But you aren’t trapped. Whatever you’ve been given is by guidelines, symptoms or behaviours, they can change shade or shape at any moment. You are able to live with a box or part of your being that doesn’t define who you are, things like anxiety. You can manage them without them disappearing completely. They can place themselves over you so you sit inside them. Instead, you can sit them beside you. Although they are with you, they are not all of you. The box is with you but it can’t stop you. Look after your box and yourself like you would perhaps a little pet, it is as worthy as you are. Unlike a pet, the box can sometimes speak up, get loud and interfere, do not push it or kick it to sit down, turn away from it or be ashamed of it. When those moments come, you can simply hold its hand and remind it of its place within, beside you or close to you, but never in charge of you. It may be in your back seat but it’s not driving, it’s just coming along for the ride. 

With labels flying around, it becomes common to judge and assume what others are facing, words are thrown around without consideration. ‘I’m so depressed today’, when having a bad day. ‘They’re like Bipolar’, when someone’s mood changes. Describing another as ‘Anorexic’ when they have a small frame. ‘They’re like OCD’, when somebody is organised or clean. Labelling someone as ‘Schizophrenic’ to describe someone’s personality. It’s phrases like these that when used so flippantly, dilute the seriousness of those living with a mental illness and build an insensitivity. These terms of diagnosis hold power in communication, in making what can be intangible internal battles of the mind, somewhat tangible. When used in an inappropriate context, they begin to lose their adequate meaning. It’s these that create stigma, and can become an unnecessary barrier to speaking out, articulating intensity, and seeking support. We can choose not to brand individuals, to converse and keep up the conversation whilst remaining sensitive, respectful, and mindful with our choice of language, to help end the stigma that surrounds mental health.

Phrases are thrown around in attempt to kick someone out of their head rather than guide and help them, ‘just get over it’ ‘pull yourself together’, ‘it’s all in your head’, ‘that’s a bit crazy or insane’, ‘things will be better tomorrow’, ‘I’m sure if you lost some weight you’d be happier’, ‘just eat more’, ‘just stop overthinking’, ‘have you tried meditation?’, ‘just don’t worry about it’ and ‘you don’t seem that unwell’. Comments of voicing before thinking, before considering the effect if could have. Expecting others to just suddenly switch off what they’re struggling with. They often want to get rid of it to in order to be pain free. If someone in your life seems to be struggling, a simple ‘I’m here for you if you want to talk’ or ‘is there anything I can do?’ could be a lot more helpful than commenting, judging or blaming. Practical support rather than comments, listening rather than speaking, educating oneself. ‘How are you?’ can actually seem incredibly abstract, vague and overwhelming as a question if you can’t find the words to articulate or can’t even understand it yourself. Instead of asking ‘how are you’, consider specificity and intention in the question to help narrow potential chaos. Something like, how is your mind, what thoughts are you having, how is your heart feeling, how is your body or how can I support you can have greater clarity. 

As a family member, friend or guardian of someone coping with mental struggle, you may not understand, but that doesn’t mean you have to pretend you do, you don’t have to understand in order to be there for someone. Be patient. Help to take the load off in any way you can, without inflicting harm on yourself. Know that even if they don’t appear to be appreciative, they are. That it’s an illness. Sometimes the way they behave is not ‘them’ but the ‘illness’ talking or acting. Don’t blame the ‘illness’, just be aware of its voice. You can be there to care without making them feel alienated. They are not an alien, they are just in pain. We can change our vocabulary, we can be considerate, compassionate, and gentle, so that when someone is struggling it becomes a strength to reach out and not a weakness. It’s not weak to ask for help, it’s in fact the complete opposite.