'Perfect Doesn't Exist'

We are all different. There no such human whom we can define as perfect, but instead perfectly imperfect.

We all wish for what we can’t have, but in doing so, sometimes we can miss the opportunity to be grateful for what we are blessed with and what we have been given. Sometimes it's useful to consider goals or where we desire to be, but when it comes to accepting ourselves, our flaws and all, it's not about wishing for what you don't have but acknowledging what you do and who you are.  

I have nothing against plastic surgery, I have read and heard many stories about how going through with it meant individuals became a lot happier and confident in their own skin, but personally I don’t think it’s what’s needed in order to experience happiness. I believe if you don’t allow yourself to love yourself as you are, then that acceptance will not be found no matter how much work you have done or things you try to change, nothing will ever be enough without believing you are enough. You will simply be masking the root. Surgery, teeth whitening, hair dye, fake tan, make up, we are constantly displayed with ways to ‘fix’ or ‘better’ ourselves, but there’s no need to try and fix what doesn’t need fixing. We don’t need to ‘fix’ but to ‘honour’. Don’t get me wrong, I wear make-up from time to time, but now it’s not an act of fixing or fitting in, it’s a choice for myself. Sometimes I’ll wear it, and others, I don’t. It’s not a route to hiding anymore. It’s not a way of finding happiness, but a way of expanding it. Cathartic and feel good. For me, no one else. It’s not needed to be happy, and unapologetically you. We all have insecurities we wouldn’t be human without them, but they don’t define or control you.  

Being accepting of your body and your own skin does not mean ‘anti-health’, it’s knowing that health is as much about the mind and what’s internal. ‘Health’ doesn’t have a size and that’s not to be neglected. The way you are defines beauty enough. Pictures online are only a snapshot of someone’s life and cannot be a comparison. Online everything is not what it appears to be, editing, cropping, filters, posing and angles are all involved. It’s not raw and it’s not real. For that reason, I aim to share reality. Know that each edit we all make and then share will have an effect on those who see it. Each time we do, we are all contributing to a false image and standard of ourselves. In turn, this feeds perception of an unattainable ‘perfection’ that doesn’t exist and sparks even more self-confidence and body image struggles. If you are editing, changing and adapting oneself before posting, regardless of how you may feel about yourself, you are fuelling this fire. 

We all need to edit less and be real more. Beauty isn’t fake or flawless, it’s us as we are. Of course I cannot make the statement that if there was less editing and façade online, as well as unnecessary social standards, then all problems would disappear, but what I do know is that it certainly would help with acceptance, the chance to grow up being exposed to natural beauty, rather than demonising or discarding. Men and Women. Scars, cellulite, stretch marks, spots, honesty, wobbly bits, creases, rolls, wrinkles, lumps, bumps, the ‘muffin top’ that we all get, the ‘back fat’ that’s just skin falling over a bra or tighter clothing, our thighs spreading as we sit down, we can be squishy and strong. The fact we are able to accept ourselves whatever angle, that we all look different from different angles, particularly as a result of different lightings and poses. Being exposed to all of these and that we can exist in all sizes and shapes, would definitely help broaden perspective past what we are presented with as ‘ideal’, that there is more than ‘one way’, it would teach us that we can actually be accepted for who we are. Fighting a system that's constantly trying to change us. 

When you struggle to deal with your own skin and body, whatever size, your perception can become warped and you tell yourself and feel that you are anything but what’s actually staring back at you. The mind takes over what’s actually reality, whatever shape or size. I know now that no matter how ‘heavy’, ‘large’ and ‘disgusted’ I have felt in the past that I have never actually experienced what it is like to live in a larger body or be targeted with the social discrimination that can be packaged with that in our society, that it’s marginalised based on looks when it doesn’t have to be. But acknowledging that does not mean disregarding one’s personal battles.  

Both thin and fat phobia exists and it’s those stigmas that we have to shift in order to be confident and happy in whatever skin we are in, whatever body we have been blessed with. Both body types have their judgement amongst us that we are able to remove. We’ve been conditioned with messages and standards of the media and unattainable ‘perfection’ of patriarchal beauty standards. No wonder we root ourselves in how others may perceive us, when exposing ourselves and working on being comfortable risks comments coming back at us, both ends of the spectrum are targeted with hate and put to shame for their bodies when that may not be their doing or in their control, it’s the body they were born in and therefore it is valuable, beautiful and nothing to do with anyone else.  

You are not to blame for your body image struggles, the standards of our society are. The fabrication that ‘beauty’ is the best thing we can be and we have to fit the ideal standards of that to be worthy of validation is something that’s not true but we’ve been taught to believe. You do not need to strive for something that you actually already possess, you’ve just been told to believe otherwise. You do not need to spend your life in pursuit of perfection when it doesn’t exist. Beauty can exist anywhere when we accept its existence, we are ‘beautiful’ for different reasons, it’s more than just our looks, but about our hearts and who we are. We need to change the message within the media and society we live in to ensure generations below us are not exposed to the same ads, images, beauty standards and unattainable perfection so the same conditioning and beliefs are not put in place all over again and de-stigmatise those parts of us that are actually completely acceptable. 

We’ve been conditioned into the meaningless behaviour of complimenting people for how they look rather who they are and what they do, measuring how ourselves and others match up to a patriarchal conception. It’s when we break from this system that we break from striving for something we already have. Of course if someone finds you attractive or you receive a compliment regarding being ‘beautiful’, it’s a lovely feeling, but when we are trapped in this system we tend not to believe them anyway, we critique ourselves despite their words as we compare each single feature to the ideal. It’s a lot more liberating to be complimented for how you make someone feel and the person you are, a ‘beautiful’ heart. 

We need to stop commenting on other people’s weight unless the person has decided to talk about it themselves, whether someone is on a path of losing weight, gaining weight, has a larger body or a smaller frame, it’s not for us to judge and comment, we have to remove the judgment associated with size before we can allow ourselves the freedom to accept oneself the way you are. If you are worried and concerned about them reach out, but reaching out or helping others seek advice, asking how people are and offering support does not come hand in hand with judgement and commenting, we can leave that aside as it suggests physical appearance has to be linked with mental illness, it doesn’t. Though what’s occurring internally tends to affect how we function externally, it doesn’t always when we cannot see into others minds. They can open up to you if they would like to, or if it’s evident they are struggling you can reach out for them if needs be, but commenting is unnecessary. It can be triggering, draw attention to physical appearance and attaching that to validation.  

From the outside looking in it can be confusing when trying to understand why someone may be struggling with accepting themselves. Unaware and not meaning any harm I was often hit with comments of ‘you’re already so small, why aren’t you eating?’ or ‘why are you so ungrateful, just be happy with what you have’, but when the mind is involved it’s not always that simple, how you see yourself is not in line with how others see you. With comparison we always validate others above ourselves, ‘they’re perfect’, ‘I wish I looked like them’, ‘I wish I had their life’. But what’s so upsetting is that even those people you look up to, that you consider ‘perfect’ will be doing the same. We don’t see every detail of anyone’s lives but our own.  

Even with what you personally view as perfection, perhaps fame, looks or possessions. Those individuals will also have their battles, insecurities and ‘ideal’, ‘I wish’ thoughts, because life isn’t flawless. We can accept that and be at peace with the blessing of life. In labelling, we are creating more of a stigma. No matter what body, shape or bone structure you have been blessed with, you can still suffer with acknowledging your worth and acceptance. Anyone at any size can struggle, we have to bring all bodies into the conversation. So along with acknowledging self-judgement, take time to note when you may judge or brand others to. This can even occur instinctively or unconsciously, as we assume or jump to conclusions based on what the brain chooses to perceive. There are judgements we make as we have been conditioned to associate certain behaviours, body types and looks with assumptions that may not necessarily be true. Becoming aware of when you do it and testing it, challenging it to exist in a mental state of neutrality.