Breaking Down Social Constructs and Barriers

Growing up in a world of Social Constructs.        

As vulnerable, naive and open minded beings, we are brought up in a world of constructs that generations before us have created, many of which can be helpful and necessary in protecting our health, safety and perception. However, there are many constructs that aren't as necessary, yet we are still exposed to them from a young age through the media, others and the world around us, and as a result, these become ingrained without us questioning them. They can influence how we feel, think and behave, without us even being conscious of it. When information enters our brain and is categorised as ‘right’ or ‘wrong’, the information sits in that bubble and stays with us as morality. It’s both intricate and individual. Opinions, cultural differences, society’s standards and upbringing, all come into play and add to what an individual may view as right or wrong. 

A moral is defined in the English dictionary as ‘standards of behaviour’, which refers to what’s carried out and accepted in our society. The elastic band concept in my previous post can be used for the morals we learn when growing up, I like to do that by considering the consequences for both ourselves and for others. For example, a violation of law. Committing a criminal offence has clear boundaries if we are caught. Breaking the law will result in consequences for the individual who has committed the crime and a consequence of pain or suffering for anyone it’s inflicted on, or affected in the process. It’s lessons like these that the elastic band has a limit before it stretches too far and pings back with a sting, it’s these that must be adhered to in order to optimise well-being and safety. 

However, I feel that there are other lessons where that elastic band can stretch beyond the walls of society without a severe consequence. There's other information that’s portrayed to us that isn’t so cemented. Information that isn’t to be displayed as so evidently ‘Right’ or ‘wrong’. We assign and place unnecessary boxes around others, or labels on them, when as humans, we are not fixed beings with fixed states and there is both diversity among us and the opportunity to change. Therefore, some things are not so clear cut. I believe humans are deeply curious, so we should let ourselves be that way. We can still do this whilst building structure and teaching necessary lessons without negatively affecting well-being. 

There are discoveries that we can actually uncover for ourselves through development and exposure. When we build up unnecessary constraints, we can unintentionally block out freedom of choice instead of offering it, as a result of ‘social constructs’. Standards that the system and society we’re born into has created. Some are necessary, and others unnecessarily restrict freedom. They are not fact, fixed or static.
I believe, if society built these boxes and walls, it can just as easily break them down. We can dismantle them when they are unhelpful, unnecessary or harmful. 

Of course biology holds importance in our understanding, particularly in initial identification. Nature and Nurture both have their place in determining how we function, who we are and our differences. But science proves that what we individually become and how we choose to be identified, is down to a lot more than specific ‘biological makes ups’ and ‘external looks’, it’s just as important to consider how we feel as we grow through life. It’s very layered, there isn’t one way, but that means there’s freedom within it. So this time the elastic band can stretch, but unlike a criminal offence, the elastic band will not ping back, there will be no severe consequence. We hold conditioned beliefs and unnecessarily fixated ideas surrounding aspects of life, that when challenged, do not actually cause harm. Constructs associated with identity, roles, masculinity, femininity, behaviour to ‘fit in’, strength and weakness, right and wrong, rather than freedom, diversity, feeling and choice. We should be able to explore what’s not harmful without consequence, when it allows us to be ourselves, spark freedom of happiness and remove unhelpful pressure. There isn’t one set path or way of life, despite constraints making it difficult to believe that.

When we’re children is when we first learn and are exposed to new information, so exploring is key. But the freedom to explore is available to us throughout our whole life. As human beings, no matter identification. If anyone wanted to wear a dress, who is to say that is wrong other than what we are brought up to believe? If anyone wanted to wear any particular clothes or accessories? To explore our own fashion and style? To wear make-up? If anyone wanted to play with dolls? Or fast cars and footballs? If anyone wanted to have short hair, long hair, or no hair? To have any hairstyle? To have body or facial hair? To engage in a particular hobby? To have a personal preference for what helps us feel good individually? To listen to any genre of music? To love another? We have labelled and categorised, when freedom could knock down those walls, we don’t need to be so regimented with restricting choice or potential options. Closing doors before the child has even been exposed to something. Where is the severe consequence if these acts are carried out other than the consequence of judgement from those that won’t allow their elastic band to be stretched? There needs to be greater consideration of what’s to be classified ‘right’ and ‘wrong’. Is it going to harm anyone if that so called ‘rule’ is broken? Is it actually ‘wrong’, or is it just perceived that way as it differs from constructed societal norms.

Being different is a strange one, because it’s inevitable. Yet growing up we strive to follow the pack, to be the same, to be part of the crowd or simply be liked. We try to shape ourselves into what we are not, rather than embracing what we are and those things that make us different. They ought to be celebrated, not hidden. We try to cut segments from ourselves when we could be whole. It’s like picking the petals off of a flower to be left with just the stem. Keep your petals and let them into the sun. When trying to figure out who we are, we can search for labels to define ourselves in attempt to bring clarity and a definite shape. But we don’t have to place ourselves into one box completely, seal it up and trap ourselves inside. We can change and we can be more than one thing. Doing this will only hinder growth or exploration elsewhere.

We don’t know until we try or experience. We aren’t one shape, we’re more flexible than we realise. ‘Are you an introvert or are you an extrovert?’, ‘Are you a visual learner or a kin-aesthetic?’, ‘Are you a dreamer or are you a realist?’ It’s helpful to consider who we are and what helps us personally, but what about the possibility of not needing to be labelled in the process? The possibility that maybe we can change, that we are a cocktail of more than one, a mixture of both? Do not label yourself for clarity of knowing, open yourself to the freedom of being. Although we may consider ourselves as something, that doesn’t mean another cannot exist at a smaller percentage. You don’t have to be stuck in a tunnel vision, it doesn’t have to taint how you see and what you are capable of. You are not restricted. Feelings and emotions change. Despite what may be rooted within you, do not allow it to lead you, you can lead yourself and new experiences can occur that you may not expect.

Always consider what you feel as you, rather than what you feel you should do. Again, there is no linear path and when it comes to choosing what door to open, it’s important to consider what excites you, not if you are good enough. Fear will rise a little but that’s natural, with every decision you make you have to question if it ignites that spark in you. Of course there will be times in your life where the spark within seizes to ignite, some decisions have to be made out of practicality, or you may not be in control of a particular decision, something may have landed in your path that doesn’t bring you joy, but it’s about considering what is going to help you from where you are at that moment. It’s a balance of acknowledging your own boundaries and knowing when to stop, but also believing in possibility. Consider what’ll expand your light. In the most part, consider your joy and excitement. These feelings are no coincidence, they are what make your heart beat, they are connected to your purpose and you can follow them.

Worrying about what other people think can become consuming and exhausting. In reality, people spend more time thinking about themselves and although they care about you, they most likely do not consider the things you are worrying about them considering. A lot of the time, instead of knowing, we can assume that others are thinking a certain way. Everyone is entitled to their own informed opinion, but we can hold these without letting them segregate us. We don’t have to allow judgement in, we can hold different opinions when there’s no unnecessary harm inflicted as a result of individual beliefs. We can still be inclusive, kind and open to others opinions despite our own, and as we do, ensure we don’t ‘assume’ things about others. These are often not based on facts, but clues, then jumping to conclusions because of them. Of course, feelings are valuable when it comes to intuition and instinct, but always question the validity of your thoughts before trusting them. You also can’t be everyone’s cup of tea, as we are all so different it’s understandable to repel a little as magnets do, if we all had milk and two sugars life would be boring.

It’s through exploration and trying that you come to understand yourself and who you really are, rather than assuming before the door is even open and the water is tested. Don’t assume if you don’t know, don’t label yourself, and definitely don’t ignore yourself even if you are scared to supposedly ‘stand out from the crowd’. If something is not enhancing your happiness or restricting your truth, don’t do it. ‘The crowd’ is so big that standing out can be harmless when we are not directly affecting anyone else in doing so, we are just allowing ourselves to be honest. It’s liberating to let go of what’s holding you back, take off any mask and breathe openly as you. Our differences are what make us unique and incredibly special, alongside our similarities as a human race. Set your own boundaries, break down unnecessary barriers.