We Grow As Flowers Do

 

'Growing up' 

The peaks and troughs of growing up, blooming, blossoming, and constantly changing. How we can encourage children to believe and grow up in a world of possibility.                                                                                         

Growing up is no plain sailing.
No matter what kind of upbringing we have, it's inevitable that we will all face our own challenges and fair share of change and discomfort. From birth, its the years of our youth and moments of initial contact with people, places and things, that can influence how we feel, and in turn, we start to form opinions on both ourselves and others.

Personally, I don’t believe there is a finish line for being a ‘grown up’. The process of ‘growing up’ is a continuous one. I like to think of it as a broad term for all the little things in life that keep us growing, such as learning, ageing, experiences and opportunities, rather than it being a period of time that has a cut-off point. If we simply think of growing as the journey through childhood, then it can feel as if there is a stunt and end to the process of growing or changing once we reach adulthood. That when your childhood is over, you’re suddenly expected to understand everything and be ready for anything. We all know that that’s impossible. 

It’s important to remind yourself that just because you may be what’s classed in society as an ‘adult’, every day you are still learning and discovering as a child would. Growing is a constant process, you are able to constantly grow and change at any given time in your life, no matter how difficult this world may make it hard to believe, change in your life is in your hands, and without even being conscious of it all the time, we are always adapting. We're always able to change our opinion on something as we're exposed to new things or learn from our mistakes, or our knowledge and awareness shifts. We are not fixed beings with fixed beliefs or behaviours. We're capable of changing if and when we wish to, to enhance others and our own happiness and well-being.

A part of the growing up journey is from birth to adult. Factually speaking, childhood ends around the ages of eighteen to twenty one where you then enter adulthood. This is both justified and understandable for a sense of structure, rules, and understanding when it comes to aspects of life such as certain freedoms, alcohol, driving, awareness and maturity. A certain awareness of rules and regulations regarding age and ability has to be in place for the greater good and safety of the human race. However, childhood may have an end, but the child does not. Once you reach that age you may be ‘labelled’ or ‘classed’ as an adult, but that child is still within you. The play, fascination, and lack of inhibitions that you ‘once had’, still remains. Life can stop us from remembering that sometimes, when things get stale, tough, or a lot is expected of you, but take this moment to trust that no matter how deep it may be, it is there for you to access at any time, you just have to be open to it.

Although everyone’s childhood is individual, the vast majority of society are hit with life lessons right from the get go. We’re taught what society deems to be right and wrong. As you go through your own experiences, it gives you the ability to look back retrospectively, to reflect, grow and learn along the way. But when you are a child and those experiences are your first, you have no comparison or pre-conceptions, it’s those days when you haven’t yet established your own opinion. We’re originally exposed to a world of possibility that can often get smaller and smaller when the lessons of society start to pile up. 'Don’t do that because you will hurt yourself'. 'Don’t say that because there will be a consequence'. Of course, some aspect of regulations has to be taught from an early age in order to establish order and structure to our society, if we didn’t, life would be extremely chaotic, I’m not underestimating that. But looking back now, I know the walls aren’t as close as society can make them out to be. The rules of this world are like an elastic band, some are not to be broken and like an elastic band if you push too far, they will ping back with a consequence. However, the elastic band itself isn’t solid, and like some lessons in life, it can be stretched beyond its original shape.

One of which is our capabilities. Only now I can look back and question what I truly believed I was capable of at the time, and the honest answer is ‘capable, but not ‘capable enough’. As a child, as an adult, as a human, we question what is ‘enough’? For me, enough is just being, existing. Therefore, we are all ‘enough’ simply as we are, in our pure form on this earth. What it’s definitely not is getting one hundred percent, having millions of followers or knowing where you want to be. Those things are worth celebrating of course, but there’s a difference between letting them qualify you as ‘enough’ and letting them initiate an aspect of pride. As a child we are given the opportunity to dream, we learn about the human race, we read about others stories and we think about where we’d like to be. These all expand us. Yet, we still grow up with the thought ‘I am not capable enough’, we still grow up in a world that is able to expand our learning, but not expand believing.

Stories can take us to a place where we may dream to be, yet we are reminded, ‘It’s fiction. It’s not real. It’s made up.’ We automatically start to believe we are not capable of achieving what we dream. Yes, there are some limitations and yes, the statement that a book is fiction may be a fact, but opening minds to then close them is not a necessity. We can inform children of what books are fiction without inhibiting their beliefs and dreams, that a story may be based on fantasy, but their possibilities are limitless. We are asked what we want to be when we grow up, and although many children can answer this question, what many don’t know is that they can desire to be more than one thing, they can also not know. That’s okay to.
Life is about discovery, having goals is useful, but being at a loss is often part of our journey to. There is no right path. Then, the labelling comes in. ‘You’re good’, ‘you’re bad’, ‘you’re skinny’, ‘you’re fat’, ‘you’re smart’, ‘you’re stupid’. Those things are subjective and not always fact, they are not set in stone and unbreakable and they are not markers of value. Being a child and put into a box is not encouraging or helpful, it only segregates and pressurises. It’s important to teach that labelling terms are for general use. They’re not cement, they are words. You can exist and be more than one thing. You can aspire to be more than one thing. You can feel more than one thing. You can think or do more than one thing. You are more than just ‘one thing’, you are more than a label.

Although we may consider ourselves as something, that doesn’t mean another cannot exist at a smaller percentage. You don’t have to be stuck in a tunnel vision, it doesn’t have to taint how you see and what you are capable of. You are not restricted. Feelings and emotions change. Despite what may be rooted within you, do not allow it to lead you, you can lead yourself and new experiences can occur that you may not expect.

As life is, childhood is filled with ups and downs. If you have children of your own, then take a moment to account for that blessing, care for them, be there for them, support them and love them, but don’t become an extension of them. Let them find their own way, make their own decisions, mistakes and choices, just be ready to catch them if they trip along the way. We can teach and protect them as much as we can, they will still learn from and be exposed to other external influences. There is no ‘perfect’ way to parent, trust that with good intentions you are doing your best and that’s all you can do. We need to teach children that they can, despite what they are told they can’t. ‘Can’t’ because of safety, law or health, not because of capability or belief. A child’s self-esteem begins to take shape from the moment they take that first step and learn to do things on their own, we have to let it grow by letting them believe they can, keeping a fine line between protecting them so they understand they are safe and overprotecting them to think they can’t go alone.

One day I hope I have the chance to have children of my own, to bring them up and watch them bloom, I will stand beside them with a shoulder to cry on, a hand to hold, to come to for advice, to trust and to love eternally and wholeheartedly. But, though I will be there for them, I will teach them to be there for themselves, that they are able to stand on their own two feet, that growing, discovering and learning is exciting. That they can be independent despite knowing I’m there. That their mental health is just as important as their physical. That mistakes aren’t a bad thing, it’s from these that we learn. I hope to teach them that they can be whatever they wish to be, to give them as many opportunities as possible, to learn to love themselves and know that they can always come to me for help, I am not an enemy. They have the power to say no when they wish to and the strength to say yes when it’s hard to believe, or fear creeps in. I will teach them the importance of safety and consent. 

I will want them to know that they have a voice and their entitled to an informed opinion, others opinions also matter but they don’t always have to be your reality. To always hold onto the play within them. To know that bad days exist as well as the good and not to be ashamed of that. That crying is okay. To love unconditionally, forgive wholeheartedly and there is always something to smile about. Kindness and respect go a long way. Structure holds value but they don’t need to be afraid of mess. Being honest is always best, even if you feel you are protecting someone by not doing so, the pain of hearing the truth is never as bad as living with a lie. Justice and equality hold great importance. That being confused, scared and anxious are human, there is growth in discomfort, and all feelings are allowed to be felt. Letting feelings in allows them to eventually pass. They’re worthy for who they are and everyone else is to. There is no such thing as a stupid question and the more you ask, the more you learn. 

Not everything can be answered and that’s okay. That rain will fall and sun will shine, but like a flower their roots will remain in the ground and they have the ability and strength to grow, the power to conquer the world and the beauty to break a thousand hearts, despite what they, others, or society may tell them. I will want them to know that they are capable of anything, stronger than they know and loved beyond belief. I hope my child will listen to me, that they will take my word and believe. But first I must believe. I must take my own advice before I am able to pass it on. Like a flower, I am growing, I am grounded, and I am worthy.