What is 'Self Worth'? How do I find it?

Acknowledging and Accepting your own worth.

What is 'Self Worth'? 

I often remind myself that although we are all different, we are all worthy. ‘Self-worth’ is a term that’s thrown around. Knowing and accepting your own ‘worth’ can be difficult when what it means is not fully understood. Personally, I like to define self worth as 'a sense of one's own value as a human being', it's about a level of respect and regard for yourself living in this world.

What's the difference between 'Self worth' and 'Self Esteem'? 

For me, separating self-worth and self-esteem is helpful. I like to think that self-worth is about knowing and accepting your own value, whereas self-esteem is about confidence. They are similar and equal in importance but they aren’t the same. Self-worth can remain constant, whereas self-esteem can shift dependant on confidence. My theory is that self-worth is the root, it’s the building block and glue that holds you together. If you can accept your worth then everything else can flow through you. You may have low self-esteem or lack confidence in how you look or in your ability to perform a certain activity, but if there is the presence of self-worth within you, then the lack of self-esteem can exist with acceptance, shift and change. Without believing in your own worth, low self-esteem can consume you and eat you whole. As an individual human being, you can’t be expected to be confident in every situation, but you can be worthy.

How do you acknowledge your own 'Worth'? 

In my eyes, your self-worth is determined by your existence. By simply existing, you are worthy and have the power to believe that. At first, you may require to actively consider loving and accepting yourself if it’s something that you’ve neglected, but in time, knowing your own self-worth can exist without having to think about it. Through accepting ourselves, the love we treat ourselves with can become an inevitable by-product. Don’t search for the love, accept and the love will flow. Just like the way we ‘love’ others, we can have the same relationship with ourselves. You may not always love yourself fully, we all experience doubt and insecurity. We’re not perfect and confident all the time. But we don’t have to harm ourselves when those feelings come along. We can honour and accept ourselves always, and let the intensity of love have its peaks and troughs. It’s easy to let our value be determined by anything but the fact we are alive and to forget to connect with what makes you ‘you’. 

I think in this world of wonder we can fill our lives with busyness, both physically and mentally, and in turn we become consumed with anything but our true selves. We can set unattainable standards, media feeds us and others alter us and we lose connection with our own feet on the ground. You may consider where you’re going, allow the space between where you are and where you want to be to inspire and not terrify you, and that can only be done by knowing your worth as you are, not when you get there. When you accept who you are and what truly makes you happy, that openness and honesty will unlock the wonder that comes with being you. 

What's the 'inner critic' and how does it try to stop us? 

We all have the devilish inner voice. The inner critic. The one that can drag you down, bully, attack or send you astray, but we don’t always have to listen to it, it’s not always the voice of reality. We all have flaws, it’s what makes us human. Embrace them, they are part of you. We can’t be good at everything, we are not all the same and perfection doesn’t exist. You are worthy with the existence of your flaws, and I promise you that those flaws are in neon and capital letters for no one but you. The inner voice can be helpful, when reading right now for example, when thinking or deciding. But it can also be extremely irrational, it can lie to you and make you believe what’s not true to be what is, or to focus on something that quite frankly, doesn’t matter. Reassure yourself that you are in a huge boat with a world of other individuals, you are not alone. That voice will make it hard for you to believe it, but you have the ability to challenge it, to say ‘thank you for your words dear voice, I have been courteous in listening to you, but I’m going to be strong in not believing you’. The more you challenge it, the more it’ll quieten, it will begin to know its place and be afraid to stand up for itself when you stand up for yourself.  Work on challenging it, the more you let it win, the more it thinks it is right.

How our society and own minds try to stop us accepting our worth? 

As my view is that worth is simply in existence, it cannot be determined by factors that we face within our existence. Both society and our minds can morph what worth comes from and allow us to pay close attention to aspects that have no place in your value. Try and inform us that we have to always look for more to happy, to reach certain markers or standards, but your worth remains despite these things. Your worth is not determined by your looks, the number on the scale or your clothes size, it’s just a number, and you are more than that. It’s not determined by what you do or what you achieve, be proud of those things, but they don’t define you. Nor it is determined by your friends, how many you have or who they are, they are valuable to you but they are not your value. Your worth is not what you do or your job, I sincerely hope that whatever your occupation you are able to enjoy it, but that you are able to see you are separate from it. It’s also not determined by the money you earn or the possessions you own, your worth is within you. Society may tell you it’s about size, weight or appearance, but your smile, love, character, emotions and voice are what really matter. Being is enough. You are valued for who you are. 

In this world there is a lot of fact and a lot of fiction, it can be overwhelming and tough to determine which information falls under which category. I certainly know that mental illness is a fact, but we often fail to realise what our minds are capable of, how powerful they are, how they can take over in a destructive way if we let them. We are more gullible than we like to believe, searching for more, or answers to everything. We are shown something and our brain can alter it into what it wants to see or wants to believe, rather than what’s reality. Of course learning and growing is a part of our process through life, but we can exist as we are now whilst we do that. We can establish control of our own thoughts amongst the unknown or what we can’t control.

The Power of 'Honesty'? 

With self-worth comes the ability of honesty, and with honesty comes the acceptance of imperfections. It’s paired with questioning and connecting with yourself and what’s inside, stopping and asking yourself how you are or where you are at in your own path. We are exposed to ‘perfect’ bodies, ‘perfect’ diets, and ‘perfect’ ways of living in what’s advertised or displayed to us, but perfection doesn’t exist and that doesn’t scare me anymore, imperfections is where true beauty lies. It’s our flaws and our differences that highlight true beauty, and the way we make people feel. It's moderation that allows for balance, freedom and openness to lives opportunities. 

How we can view ourselves compared to others? 

Attraction aside, think about how you view the beauty in another individual outside of yourself. What crosses your mind when you come away from meeting a stranger and having a connection? Not on a romantic level, but simply a warming connection, maybe a conversation or a kind gesture? Then think about how you would describe your friends? Maybe words like kind, funny, loving, caring, hard-working, determined, comforting or supportive come to mind? Consider how these words do not have to connect to how they look, but who they are. I’m sure you hold the belief that your friends are beautiful on the outside, you may even think the stranger was attractive, but what will hold true is that their looks will not hold their worth and most certainly won’t be all that they are to you, or link to how their actions make you feel. So remember that in yourself, you are not just how you look, you are remembered by how you make someone feel. Your self-worth comes with existence, and by believing in that you have the ability to live that existence with the kindness of your heart and the beauty that you hold within. Your value cannot be measured, it is infinite. 

Acknowledge and know your own worth. You are worthy of existing, being loved and being treated fairly, respectfully and kindly. By others and yourself. Set your own boundaries. Speak up if something is unjust or harming you. Walk away or invest in change if something is detrimental to your health, both physically and mentally. Care for yourself. It's called 'Self' worth for a reason, it comes from you. No one else.