MY LETTER TO SOCIETY: MARCH REFLECTION

This month we celebrated International Women’s Day, within the same week we heard from a woman who faced suicidal thoughts as a consequence of being targeted by the media and press, victimised, accused of lying and admitted to feeling trapped in a system. Simultaneously, a young woman was reported missing, investigations soon revealed that she was sexually assaulted and murdered by a man when walking home. Allegations were made that it was her fault for walking home alone late after drinking, and a police officer whose responsibility is to protect has been arrested for her murder. Despite the progressions we’ve made on the treatment towards women throughout the 20^th and 21^st Century, there are still major changes yet to occur. But it shouldn’t take a tragedy in order to acknowledge them.

There are many behaviours that have become the norm for women through both fear of safety and what’s taught growing up, whether it be taking the longer route home, holding keys between her fingers, pretending to be on a call, sharing her location, saying she has a boyfriend when she doesn’t, turning a corner and running as fast as she can, saving money for a cab, refusing drinks in case they’ve been spiked, not making eye contact, deliberately watching what she wears, picking up the pace, wearing headphones to distract, or not wearing headphones to heighten our senses. These are behaviours have become instinctive, choices that have become so regular and familiar that we fail to question them, as if they’re acceptable and that’s the way things should be. Behaviours that we carry out in order to survive when out or walking home. But in light of recent events, it’s evident that even then we’re not guaranteed survival.

That’s where the continued fear comes from. The fear that it could’ve easily been any one of us, it’s almost like Russian roulette. We’re not born with this fear, it’s learnt through lessons and exposure to the world not being safe. In a survey carried out by UN Women UK, 97% of 18-24 year olds said they’ve experienced sexual harassment. It’s safe to say most women reading recent events felt “that could’ve been me.” It’s become evident how conditioned women are to modify behaviour to protect themselves because as a society we don’t question it until something terrible occurs. We shouldn’t have to have a safety check list just to walk home. We shouldn’t have a list of engrained behaviours that have now become autopilot because we’re so used to being hyper-conscious of our safety. We shouldn’t have to live in fear.

It requires action, education and change from all parties to actively work to end violence towards women, women are too often not the problem. Our work comes with speaking up, sharing how men can make women feel safer and men listening to from a place of understanding rather than defence, laughing it off or running away. There is discomfort in these conversations and change comes with facing that when these topics are brought up in public discussion. In becoming aware of engrained and subconscious actions that are actually having a detrimental or harmful effect when you may not realise, or you do realise but continue anyway. Recently aired BBC Series by Michaela Coel I May Destroy You depicts this effectively and powerfully, particularly when it comes to removing unnecessary blurred lines that still seem to surround establishing consent and respecting boundaries.

These behaviours aren’t perpetrated by all men of course, it’s not all men but it is enough. Not all sharks are deadly, but we’re still taught to be wary of them. Men are victims to street violence to, but more often than not it comes down to male violence and not female behaviour. Statistics suggest that men are also endangered when it comes to sexual violence, but it’s much less common. Not all men behave this way, but that doesn’t eradicate or cancel out those that do. Women aren’t accusing all, but rather asking for support to actively work for change, discuss, call out inappropriate behaviour and work to create a safer environment. Ignoring the fact that these behaviours still exist even if it’s not every man, is like ignoring rules surrounding the pandemic just because not every single person will catch it. There is still a huge risk.

Dismantling the patriarchy starts with both conversation and unpicking roots starting with the systematic, hindering views of gender stereotypes that still filtrate into our lives through society and the media. Challenging and stepping away from these and detrimental allegations that propose women’s beauty standards or men shouldn’t show weakness. Although these beliefs are slowly changing with conversation and awareness, messages like these also have an effect on how we think and behave. We have to break away from and call out ‘toxic masculinity’, traditional harmful behaviours that have become the ‘norm.’ This does not condemn men or male attributes, but rather emphasises the harmful effects of conformity to certain masculine ideals. Social constructs have been built surrounding femininity and masculinity, standards the society and system we’re born into has created.

 

Eradicating unnecessary, restricting gender ideologies is part of the change needed to put an end to fear and harmful behaviour within society. All the while conversation is necessary for awareness, change and mental stability to ensure as a society we are less likely to conform to the unnecessary beliefs around gender roles that the patriarchy feeds us. Jameela Jamil articulates this eloquently in her 2019 Makers Conference Speech Tell Him, “By narrowing these ridiculously prescribed gender roles we will come together and no longer be such a mystery to one another, which I believe will dilute the fear and mistrust that men have towards us and by making him a more mentally secure and stable person it will far lessen the likelihood of him being infiltrated by our insecure and pathetic patriarchy.”

It’d be unfair to say women are requesting men to perfect as that’s unrealistic and unachievable, they just want to feel safe. It’s systematic, but it’s also a choice to stop harassing, objectifying, victim blaming and burdening women unnecessarily and wrongly. It takes work and will to change. To be better and stop this from happening. Awareness and willingness to learn is part of change. It takes supporting, openness and listening to what others have to say. Sharing thoughts and feelings regarding behaviour and helpful changes, being an active bystander in public, conversing, collective outrage, supporting and educating oneself.

Unfortunately, alongside the gender imbalance of sexual violence, lack of gender parity is still dramatically present our society as a whole, which only distances the detrimental gap between genders and identification. There is still a gender pay gap, a lack of female leaders, discrimination in workplaces, a continuation of violence against women and girls, and women still fall behind men in terms of education and healthcare. The pandemic has only heightened these inequalities further. Data released by UN women suggests there could be a gender equality regression of 25 years, as a result of increased domestic work and family care at home, and enforcement on the release of gender pay gap data has been set back for another six months.

But lack of equality hasn’t just appeared as a result of the pandemic, it was evident beforehand to. In October 2020, The World Ranking of the Inter-Parliamentary Union found that only 14 of the 193 United Nations’ have a women in the highest position of executive power. Gender based discrimination and sexual harassment is still prevalent in today’s society and amongst workplaces. A Journal of Hospital Medicine study found that this was evidently the case for female doctors, and a gender having an impact or career opportunities remains present across a range of occupations. Here in 2021 it’s still common for women to be fired for taking time off for childcare or _­­­­maternity resulting in facing setbacks when returning. These pregnancy related inequalities have also been found to link to depression and mental health struggles. These imbalances inevitably influence gender positioning and mentality surrounding both behaviour and societal constructs. When breaking these down, it’s not one against the other but a collective issue we must face.

The justice system also has its flaws. Currently, there is no legislation in place against public sexual harassment, it’s vital for progression that it’s made a criminal offence. FindLaw states that sexual harassment is “not a crime.” It’s the failure to prosecute and charge violence against women appropriately that fails to put an end to victim blaming and fear of being guilty when doing so. There is work to do in dismantling the patriarchy, changing the justice system and providing legislations and increased funding to support and protect women.

This requires more action than putting undercover police officers in clubs. It’s about a continuation, persistence and an ongoing awareness to ensure policies are put in place to achieve justice and impartiality. It’s not just about those who identify as female coming together, but a motivation from all to continue to converse and stand up for women’s safety and consent, no matter what we wish to identify ourselves as. It’s something that effects society as a whole and requires collective address, outrage, awareness and lack of silence. Women have been repeating these conversations for too long and it takes men conversing with other men, listening to women, adequate prosecution and systematic changes in order to change the narrative. Denying the validity of female concerns only contributes to women continuing to feel and be unsafe. It’s refusing to acknowledge problems that fuels them, and acknowledging them shouldn’t take a tragedy to do so.